Since The Rut

I feel really good about myself. Like, really damn good.


Image by Thomas Hawk via Flickr.

I’ve been spending some time lately reflecting on where I am in life now, where I want to be, and how I plan on getting there. I’ve also been thinking of where I was six months ago and how far I’ve come since then.

Six months ago I was in a pretty deep rut. I had a hard time getting out of bed each day. I didn’t care about keeping up with my personal hygiene or the cleanliness of my room. All I did was lay in bed, panic about my unemployment, and watch TV shows on my iPad. I didn’t even care enough to keep up with my grocery shopping. I hardly posted on Loitering Lion and I stopped interacting with my online friends, as well as my IRL friends. It was a pretty grim time.

Some people may wonder how I could fall into a place like that, but honestly, it’s not the kind of thing you see coming. I started to slip down little by little each day until I realized that I was having trouble pulling myself out of bed at one o’ clock in the afternoon. That didn’t strike me as healthy. I wasn’t acting like myself nor did I feel like myself but I didn’t notice until things got extreme. By the time I hit that low I didn’t feel like I could pull myself up on my own.


Image by Lucas McFadden via Flickr.

I was depressed. I didn’t want to admit it for months but one day I opened up to my roommate about the full extent of what was going on with me and she pointed out that my situation wasn’t healthy. I was more stressed during last summer than I had been my whole life. I love being out in the world on my own but getting my feet on the ground turned out to be a much harder struggle than I expected. Unemployment, bills piling up, making massive life decisions like not going back to school, worrying about if my family was disappointed in me for leaving school, affording food, a dwindling social life, a whole new environment, trying to figure out what to do with my life next…everything has happening at once. The amount of weight I was carrying on my shoulders was incredible. I felt like I was drowning.

I’m so incredibly lucky that I have people in my life who genuinely love and care for me. I reached out to several people in my life when I realized how far I’d fallen. My dad in particular was the biggest source of strength for me. He was nothing but understanding of me and my state and was quick to help me get back on my feet. He talked me through the problems I was facing, helped me work out solutions to sorting my life out, and bailed me out of some of my financial issues. I honestly feel like I can tell my dad anything. I love being independent and being able to take care of myself and it’s so great to have someone who will always be there to help and support me as well. Let me emphasis that he helped me. He didn’t fix my problems for me, I did that. I pulled myself out of this rut because I wasn’t in a good spot and I didn’t want to settle for that kind of existence.

It’s been six months since I admitted that I had fallen into a rut and I feel so damn good about myself. I found a job full of great people, I’m able to pay all my bills myself each month, I get up everyday and work on my amazing website, I talk to my friends on a regular basis, I’m on top of my hygiene, my room looks cute as shit (and is cleaned regularly), I keep my fridge stocked, I have plans for my future, and most importantly: I’m happy.

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