My life is A MESS.
I don’t know why it took me this long to realize it but MAN. Things are getting real crazy REAL quick!
I feel like if I had noticed all of this mess sooner I would’ve had more time to attempt to soften the blow but honestly, knowing me, I would’ve just rolled with it. “LET’S SEE WHAT HAPPENS!” LET’S NOT, AMANDA. LET US NOT.
This past school year…there’s been a lot of changes in my life. A LOT. I’ve been living on my own for the first time in my life for the past 8 months so I’ve had the chance to go out into the world and be the person I’ve always wanted to be. I guess I’ve always been this person I just hadn’t grown into it until I was independent.
Being on my own has also given me the opportunity to be completely irresponsible! I grew up being super responsible but for some reason this year I decided to take a bit of a break from that. WHICH I REGRET DEEPLY AT THIS MOMENT. But, at the same time I really don’t regret it. I’ve had a lot of fun, made many memories, and learned a lot about myself as a person. It’s been great!
But now it’s the end of the semester and I’m STRUGGLING to get by! I move out in less than a week and a half and I still have yet to 100% confirm my next location. Moving is a massive pain! So much paperwork! So many little things I have to consider I didn’t even think of before. This is what I get, though, for changing my plans so suddenly. I spontaneously decided to get an apartment with an old pal of mine earlier THIS MONTH so now I’m frantically trying to cancel my housing for next year with the university while sorting out my moving plans. FOR THE MOVE IN ONE WEEK.
I’m trying not to be so hard on myself because I am only 19 and this is my first move into my first apartment all on my own blah blah blah but DAMN GIRL! I COULDN’T HAVE SPENT MORE TIME THINKING THESE THINGS THROUGH?? I think I’ll be just fine once I move in, get settled and start working this summer. YEAH. Don’t even get me STARTED on my financial predicament. Just know that I may need to survive off of granola bars for a couple of weeks until I get some cash rolling in.
All of that shopping has done me no good. Well. I LOOK great but now I’m struggling to make ends meet. I have to ask myself…was it really worth it?
I accept the fact that I can’t to anything about the neglect I’ve given my responsibilities over the past couple of semesters. What is done, is done. I’m trying to focus my energy on the future. Learning how to budget myself, eat right, stay in school, avoid committing social suicide, get fit, not become homeless…
But HEY! At least I have a job!
I know I have the ability to discipline myself I’ve just been extremely lazy about it lately. I’ve spoiled myself rotten! That’s not a realistic way for me to live my life, either. I have to start getting my act together. Here’s to me sorting my life out one train wreck at a time!