How To Get Tumblr. Famous

Follow random ass people who follow random ass people back – Follow for Follow is great if you don’t mind having your dashboard cluttered with teens constantly crying for attention.

Post random pictures of random crap – This one is a real mystery to me. A lot of people relate to pictures of miscellaneous crap, I suppose.

HEY EVERYONE! LOOK AT ALL OF MY CRAP!
HEY EVERYONE! LOOK AT ALL OF MY CRAP!

Post all of the damn time – Seriously. All day, every day. Your post don’t have to be consistent or relevant or anything! Just post crap.

Have anonymous questions available…embrace the hate – Only if the far off dream of receiving an anonymous compliment is worth all of the very real hate mail.

Post generic teen stuff – Think irrelevant background photo with a vague quote plastered on it. It’s practically this generation’s horoscopes!

selfies
DON’T FORGET TO DROWN YOUR FOLLOWERS WITH SELFIES!!

Constantly favorite/reblog/ comment on other peoples posts – If you keep interacting with people they’ll have to check out your blog at some point, just to see what the hell your deal is.

Be a skinny white girl & post pictures of yourself (bonus points if you pose with a cup of Starbucks OR have a thigh gap) – Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against white or skinny people, but I wish Tumblr. was more diverse when it comes to the type people who are idolized. It’s not even the people who are idolized, it’s their bodies which is actually pretty sick.

starbucks
OH MY GOD Y’ALL I GOT SOME STARBUCKS I AM CRYING

Comment on skinny white girl’s photos calling her “perf” – This is quite common. Level of effectiveness unknown.

tell really long and really stupid stories in one really long sentence with no punctuation or capitals because that’s totally cute and doesnt make you look totally illiterate – Get back to your middle school English class, please.

FLAUNT YOUR HORRIBLE SELF ESTEEM (because people like that, apparently) – Hating yourself is THE biggest trend on Tumblr. and although I abhor the concept it’s proven to be quite effective. People are total suckers for the pity card.

 

Note from the Writer: I do not seriously recommend you try any or all of the tasks listed above. These are simply actions I’ve observed on Tumblr. over the past couple of months. I am by no means Tumblr. famous myself nor do I strive to be. If that’s your goal, though, go ahead. What’s the point of the internet if it’s not to get attention from strangers that you clearly are deprived of in your real life?

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